Poparazzi

Meet the new host of F1 Rocks

IT’S confirmed, folks. Hollywood starlet and all-round paparazzi favourite-cum-wild child Lindsay Lohan will be gracing our shores as the host of F1 Rocks Singapore With LG, organisers said yesterday.

“We got a call… saying Lindsay Lohan was really keen to come to Singapore,” said Paul Morrison, CEO of All The Worlds, which is putting the event together. “She’s on the plane even as we speak. And she’s dead up for it! She can’t wait!”

Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger was originally set to host the show, but pulled out last week. According to Paul, other considerations for the position included Katy Perry, Victoria Beckham and “a number of the Spices”, before they finally landed Lindsay.

“We don’t know why she wants to come, we can’t really see the attraction – she must be a real F1 fan,” he joked.

Ooh, I have a reason: Interestingly, Lindsay’s gal pal Samantha Ronson will also be in town to spin at the Fuel Festival at Novus. What do you think? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!

On a slightly more serious note, Paul said: “But we’re pretty excited because we’ve got a whole new dimension to the how. We’ve got a pretty famous movie star, who’s going to be coming in with a global reach, because that girl doesn’t do anything without the paparazzi knowing.

“I don’t know why that is either,” he deadpanned.

(Okay, maybe not so serious, then…)

Well, whatever it is, we say she’ll probably do a fine job of hosting the show, although it might not be such a good idea to let her get behind the wheel of the racecars, if you know what I mean!  Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!

 F1 Rocks Singapore With LG happens Sep 24 to 26. Tickets still available from Sistic.

Tags: All The Worlds, F1 Rocks, Fuel Festival, Hollywood, Katy Perry, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Scherzinger, Paul Morrison, Pussycat Doll, Samantha Ronson, Victoria Beckham

Dear Nicole Scherzinger,

This is a petition to ask you to please reconsider your decision and come to Singapore to host F1 Rocks.
Yes, I understand that you may not want to be in the same universe as that race rat fink Lewis Hamilton, after he so mercilessly and unnecessarily dumped you like a sack of unwanted tomatoes that have been sitting in the sun and raising a bit of a stink, however, here’s the deal: WE NEED YOU.
We do, really, we do. You’ve been here a few times, you’re practically one of us. We need someone like you to help enliven our otherwise dull daily existence. (Some of us are accountants, so you know how what we’re up against.) Without your charm, your smile, your bodacious physique, we’ve now got nothing to look forward to.
(Well, there’s Gwen but she’s already hooked up with two kids; and Beyonce is well, Beyonce.)
Years ago you and the rest of the Pussycat Dolls first came to our shores and showed us that there was light at the end of the tunnel, salvation was a possibility. And when you and your cohorts once again trooped onto Fort Canning Park last year, we knew we could be saved if we believed.

But hey, don’t take our word for it. Here’s what Paul Morrison, the Big Guy at All The Worlds, the Man with the Plan for F1 Rocks had to say:

“It’s a bummer, no doubt. We are gutted. Nicole is a really, really hardworking and diligent artiste.”

Did you read that? Gutted, he said. Do you know what it takes to make a man of Paul’s calibre gutted? It’s not like how the French were “a bit upset” at the Germans invading their country in 1940. Or how the English were “slightly put out” when the Americans kicked them back to England in 1776.

This is… from the heart.  (Or the gut, ha ha, LMAO.)

Forget the race rat fink. There are plenty of fish in the sea – and 19 more on the starting grid. 
We need you, Singapore needs you – the accountants need you.
Besides, you can use to air time to get back at that race rat fink by getting all nice and pally with say, Mark Webber or Sebastien Vettel. Yes, it may seem petty, immature and even childish, but it sure will be sweet.
Help us, Nicole Scherzinger, you’re our only hope.

XOXO,

Your one true fan who still hasn’t washed his right hand after he shook hands with you last year.

Tags: All The Worlds, F1 Rocks, Lewis Hamilton, Nicole Scherzinger, Paul Morrison, Singapore, starting grid

Who can replace Nicole Scherzinger? The quest continues…

AND SO it came to pass: Nicole Scherzinger, devastated at race rat fink (RRF) Lewis Hamilton for having dumped her, blew off visiting our fair shores again.

Which, of course, poses that big question: Who can replace her?

Nicole was supposed to present the links and parts of the F1 Rocks TV show at various locations in Singapore. And she’d have been the perfect choice: Having been here a few times with the Pussycat Dolls, we bet she could even have told viewers where to go eat good beef hor fun.

Who else is that good looking and knows Singapore like that?

“We’ve got a few people shortlisted,” said Paul Morrison, the honcho of All The Worlds, the company that’s organising the F1 Rocks event here. “I don’t want to interfere with the process… we’ve got to be a bit professional about this!

“We have to just manage through this process and people can be quite touchy if you talk about their business in public before it’s confirmed. I’m not trying to be awkward here. It’s a complicated process but I refuse to be fazed by it,” he added resolutely.

Then he dropped this whopper of a nugget: ”I can confirm that Michael Jackson will not be on the shortlist!”

Thank goodness, otherwise I’d have to get John Constantine on the line.

Some of the possible replacements we think could be those who’ll already be in town: Gwen Stefani - well, if she’s got Kingston and Nester Rock in tow, she’d probably be at Sentosa or the zoo. A*mei – possible, but might confuse Swissotel with Taipei 101. Fergie – possible, but only if she’s not having a bad day.

However, Paul did mention of another presenter coming into town to present another segment: Rain, that oh-so-sexy Korean star. (Okay, I’m just quoting my female friends about the “oh-so-sexy” part because, you know…) 

Here comes the Rain again…

But anyway, Paul excited about his segment because he’s ”going to be a martial arts piece with one of the F1 drivers, so that’s going to be brilliant TV.”

Other brilliant bits of TV that they have come up with: Possibly RRF or even F1’s bigwig Bernie Ecclestone picking up Beyonce from the airport.

And Black Eyed Peas doing a pit stop challenge at the Force India garage. Yes, I can see Fergie plugging in the fuel lines while the guys change tyres, before telling the driver to watch out for the humps, the humps, the lovely lady lumps.

I’m definitely tuning in then.

Tags: A*mei, All The Worlds, Bernie Ecclestone, Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas, F1 Rocks, Fergie, Formula One, Gwen Stefani, Korean star, Lewis Hamilton, Michael Jackson, Nicole Scherzinger, Paul Morrison, pit stop, Pussycat Dolls, Rain, rat fink, Singapore, TV